My mom adventures in Fort Collins

Tuesdays bring out the snarkiness in me
February 14, 2012, 8:50 pm
Filed under: Family | Tags: , , , ,

Today  we had a playdate at our house. And it was nice. Really nice. The mom and I chatted, the kids played well together, and when everyone left I didn’t cry at how messy my house was. This, my friends, is what we here in the biz call a “Successful Playdate.”

It is Valentine’s Day. And I don’t dislike Valentine’s Day. But it’s also my dad’s birthday, so I try not to forget that fact. I had the kids sing “Happy Birthday” and take a video of it, so that it could be enjoyed for years to come. When we called my dad to do the very same thing, Scout asked if she could come over to his house. (Most likely because she wants to enjoy some cake and ice cream.) This made my dad’s day.

So, really, not a lot to be snarky about today. But, I’ll try… Okay, here it is…

On Sunday, a young man came to the door and said he was working with a painting company. “Would you like a free estimate for your house?”

Then he followed up last night, and we set up a time to do this. Throughout the course of our 7 minute conversation, he must have said the word “cool” about a hundred times, and reminded me about 22 times that he’s “just a college student working as an intern.” At one point, he told me that I could “check out the company with the Better Business  Bureau just to make sure we’re not a bunch of psychos trying to screw with you.”


Maybe you do need that internship. I certainly hope you’re not being paid to say things like this over the phone.

So, in my infinite wisdom, I’d like to share what I would say to Alex-the-painting-company-intern,  if he was my charge.

1. If you hear kids in the background of your phone call, always tell the client that her kids sound really cute. People love when you talk about how cute their kids are. Act like you love overhearing the whining and screaming, because it “sounds like everyone is having a good time.”

2. Don’t ever remind people more than once that you have no clue what the hell you are doing. Avoid stating: “You are the first phone call I’ve ever made on behalf of the company.”

3. Limit the use of the words “like,” “cool,” “awesome,” and “yeah.” Replace with phrases that sound hokey and folksy. Old people love this. Some suggestions include, “Allrighty then, ” “Sounds like a plan,” “It’s a date,” and, my personal favorite, a succint, “Yes.”

4. Never, under any circumstances, refer to the company that you are working for–even in a hypothetical sense–as “a bunch of psychos who are trying to screw with you.”

Anything to add? I feel like there should be 5 suggestions for Alex, but I didn’t want to force it. So, maybe you, dear reader, can think of one for me?


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