My mom adventures in Fort Collins

Parenting stuff that I should probably be ashamed of
February 16, 2012, 8:42 pm
Filed under: Food, Just making conversation, Parenting | Tags: , , , ,

I know you know what I mean. Time to fess up to my transgressions.

I used to wear Scouty in a sling. All. The. Time. She was an awesome sling baby, and probably the cutest stinkin’ thing you’ve ever seen. But, true story, one time I was wearing her in the sling while I was cooking (don’t ever do this) and she reached out and touched the hot pan. Fortunately, no major damage, but Oh Yeah, #1 on my list of parenting offenses was burning my child. In retrospect, nothing about this is a good idea. The sling could have caught in the fire and the whole thing could have gone much worse. Just to even things up, I watched Ruby burn herself on a sparkler last 4th of July. Just watched it go on, like two inches from my face. So, at least my children won’t be able to say I played favorites when it comes to them burning themselves.

My little baby in a sling, isn't she the cutest? (this was Aug '07 I think)

Now, another issue which I really feel no shame about (perhaps I should?) is that I’ve never “Pumped and Dumped.” Well, I have, but it was because I was on really strong antibiotics. But for the occasional glass of wine? Or Gimlet? Or 28 oz beer? (I jest, I jest… well, sorta.) But you know those things they sell to test your milk? I think they’re a racket. Do you think anyone other than some neurotic American mother would buy these things? Do you think the women of France are testing their breastmilk? The fraulines of Germany? Not a chance. I look at it this way: How big is your baby? If your baby is a preemie and weighs 9 lbs at 4 months old, then yeah, maybe don’t indulge. But common sense, right? So, #2 on my list of parenting offenses is probably slippin’ my kid some of the sauce.

If I actually bought this stuff, I wouldn't have as much money to buy booze. (photo from

Another source of parenting blunders is my kids’ diet. It’s sort of a long and drawn out saga, but the bottom line is that I have absolutely no clue what to feed my kids. I don’t want to sound ignorant, because I do understand basic good nutrition. I just don’t understand how to get my kids to eat good things. I offer them healthy food again and again. I cook. A lot, actually. I make pretty run of the mill stuff, but it’s not over-processed garbage. The other night we had baked chicken, mashed sweet potatoes and a lettuce salad with homemade lemony-vinagrette. They ate something, I can’t remember now, but I probably wound up making them some pb&j sandwiches when they turned their noses up at our meal.  This has been a long process. I blame the nutritionist we saw when Scout was 18 months old. The concern at the time was getting her to gain weight. Unfortunately, the list of suggestions included things like potato chips, cream cheese, and protein/caloric boosters. This was a set up. Once Scout knew she could get chips and dip, why eat anything else? There was even a sad morning of toddler bargaining and me giving her chips and dip for breakfast. It’s no wonder that #3 on my list of parenting offenses is that I don’t feed my kids healthy food. Oh, I buy it for them, I offer it to them, but I’m rarely successful in actually feeding it to them.

What's this?

Ah, parenting offenses. There’s a million of them. Shall I go on? Perhaps another day.


4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Right there with you. K didn’t like the sling, but she loved her swing. I cut her pretty badly this week with a new set of fingernail clippers when she jerked away. I still feel awful about it. So much blood 😦 She will also eat any vegetable I give her as long as I put it in velveeta shells and cheese. This is probably a wash on any health benefit.

Comment by RFL

Oh, those clippers are the worst. Sorry about that. I once put broccoli in their mac n cheese, and it was a full-out pout-fest. I would need to find a veggie that I could disguise by the cheese–maybe cauliflower? Hmm. I might work on this. Thanks for taking the time to comment!

Comment by jaymers

Aww…don’t feel bad. You’ll keep blundering along while your kids grow up. Years ago I put hot sauce on my son’s tongue for calling his sister a “butthole”. (He liked the soap, so what was a mom to do?) Last year I heard a story on the news about a mom who did that and was for CHILD ABUSE. Holy crap! However, I did it in the presence and with the full knowledge of his father. Do you think if I flip on him I could save myself? But then I may have to go into the witness protection program. I’ll just hope nobody finds out.

Comment by brainvomit40

Yeah, that’s the kind of old school stuff that I grew up with. I remember my parents actually kept the bar of soap that I took a bite out of in the soap dish for a long time. How’d you like to come over to my house, where you can wash your hands with soap that has teeth marks in it? Sometimes you do what you gotta do.

Comment by jaymers

Your thoughts are always welcome

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: