My mom adventures in Fort Collins

Out of the mouth of Scout

Lately, I’ve had so many funny moments really “hearing” my daughter Scout, now five years old.

She uses the words “car breath” to describe the smell of exhaust.

She uses the words “poop spray” to denote an experience with diarrhea.

Beyond these rather appropriate linguistic reinventions, she uses the word “hypothesis” a lot. I blame the show “Dinosaur Train.” She will often rattle off three or four hypotheses in quick succession. We might have somewhere near 48 hypotheses hanging out in limbo around here, just waiting to become a theory.

In happier times, here is the girl who coined “car breath”

Today came my new favorite laugh-out-loud moment in response to her truth-telling tongue. It came at a price, mind you. We were at her five year old Well Child Check. As not to make this post a controversial matter, I will just say that we planned on having a routine exam followed by the CDC-standard five year old “booster shots.”

There was very little conversation surrounding the vaccinations. Scout knew ahead of time that she would be getting shots, but we tried very hard not to play into her anxiety. We did explain what the medicine was for, what she could expect in terms of pain, and that the shots would be coming at the end of the visit.

She was determined that she would not be doing the shots. She might be the most obstinate person to ever walk the face of the earth. Do not underestimate her when she says, “Mom, I’m NOT doing it!” (Perhaps someday I’ll do a whole separate post about an experience at the dentist earlier this year.)

A nurse entered the room, rolling a cart containing four syringes and several vials. Cory signed the necessary documents and confirmed the vaccinations. Everything was handled very professionally. Scout, on the other hand, was doing her part of being the normal five-year-old: She was hiding underneath a chair.

She cried. We let her be for a minute, and tried to talk about how it would be over soon and advised her to ask the nurse Crystal any questions she might have. That didn’t do much to calm her fears.

Finally, I said, “Scout, come on out, honey. You can be brave.”

Scout yelled, “Mom, I’m not gonna be brave, I’m gonna be a whiner.”

So she was. That girl screamed, yelled, and thoroughly maintained that she was not doing it. Cory had to hold her pretty darn tight, but the whole ordeal was over in a minute.

Tonight, more than six hours after the blasted shots were over, I caught her saying to her sister, “You know, Ruby, I really didn’t like that doctor’s visit.”

Really? Couldn’t tell.

Please tell me your favorite “out of the mouth of babes” story. I feel like I have millions of them, but then I always forget to write them down.


2 Comments so far
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Funny. She is in touch with her feelings. Briefly, a couple of weeks ago my wife instructed our older son to go brush his hair. He replied “but I did yesterday.”

Comment by memyselfandkids

It’s the truth, right? We want our kids to be honest, and then the actual honesty surprises us. Too funny! Thanks for commenting.

Comment by jaymers

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