My mom adventures in Fort Collins

Mommy vocab lesson

The self-portrait (post-bath for Ruby)

Even though every day of my life is probably non-stop belly laughs by someone else’s perspective, some days it’s difficult to be light-hearted about it all. The hard work of being a mom can be a laugh-killer. That’s why days like today–when I spent my morning in the classroom at Scout’s co-op preschool–are fun. Being around a classroom of preschool-age kids is heartwarming. Sadly, sometimes it takes seeing kids other than my own for me to soften around the edges a bit and see what a gift I have at my fingertips every day. A special highlight for today was working alongside another parent who has an accent–I didn’t ask, but I’d guess it was British or maybe South African. One of the kids in class looked at me with a smirk and said, “Why is she talking like that?” It cracked me up.

Aren’t we always looking for a laugh? Sometimes it’s a funny remark, sometimes it’s physical comedy–like when my two-year-old danced around tonight wearing nothing but her panties and a fetching pair of dangly clip-on earrings. I am sure the following is nothing new (and most certainly every parent out there could add a few), but these are a few of the things that make me laugh when I think about my “job.”

Mom Salve–The saliva from a mom’s mouth, often used in instances of last minute chocolate smudge removal from a child’s face, and also helpful in emergency binky cleaning.

Shudder statements–The words that come out of your mouth that you would have never imagined ever coming out of your mouth, or even being formulated in your brain; phrases like, “No, we don’t lick the floor,” or “There is a new rule that you must wear panties if you want me give you a horsey ride, no riding mommy bareback.”

The Law of Orange Juice–The likelihood that orange juice will be spilled on your kitchen floor is directly related to how recently the floor has been painstakingly cleaned on your hands and knees.

Laundry dregs–The leftovers at the bottom of your basket, the unmatched socks, the bottoms to the pajamas but not the top, and the bloomers that go to a dress that is still hanging in your little one’s closet, etc.

Boob fatigue–This one is fairly obvious, and will almost certainly affect nearly every nursing mother.

Snack grit–The goldfish crackers and months-old french fry that is discovered upon removal of the car seats.

Color coercion–The negotiating that ensues when you begin preparing food for your child, whereby your child shouts out a request for the “pink bowl” or the “green cup.” Try as you might to fight this phenomenon with phrases like, “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit,” there will be times when you relent to color coercion.

Regressive desires–The way that your child will have abandoned boatloads of toys as they grow older, but when you put a box together for Goodwill filled with their “old” toys, these items suddenly become the most coveted toys in the whole house.

Dandelion compulsion–The term for a toddler’s obsessive desire to pick  dandelions, reaching the point where they are unable to even walk past a dandelion without picking it. This situation likely ensues once they discover that dandelions are the only flower that are permissible to pick.

Melt Factor–Depending on an individual’s personal preference the Melt Factor may vary, but it is the very thing that will permeate your heart and destroy any chance at disciplining your child in a stern manner.

How can you not laugh around these turkeys?


2 Comments so far
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Ok I laughed so hard at the horsey ride rule! So true on the rest of it. Great post!

Comment by RFL

It’s true. I have made such a rule. It’s a wonderful thing that you can read my post and totally “get it.” Thanks for commenting.

Comment by jaymers

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